mohenjo-daro and harappa. wb yeats

today i suddenly decided to research on smth. altho i have so much of shit work to do, i cun keep my hands off the google page and typing 'mohenjo-daro and harappa'.

yes we all know they have been wiped out. ancient indus valley civilisation.

i guess it hit me pretty hard. they r probably proto-dravidians or proto-sanskrit. sighs. this must be madness. they had more than 5 million people in mohenjo-daro b4 they were wiped out. fuck that is more than the population in singapore.

btw the reason y i decided to blog abt this was not cos i wanted to sound like another wikipedia. seriously smth so so unique caught my eye.


the dancing girl of mohenjo-daro.





when i first read the description abt the Dancing Girl, i cun quite understand the fuss.


The Dancing girl found in Mohenjo Daro is an interesting artifact that is some 4500-years old. The 10.8 cm long bronze statue of the dancing girl was found in 1926 from a house in Mohenjo Daro. She was British archaeologist Mortimer Wheeler's favorite statuette, as he said in this quote from a 1973 television program:

"There is her little Baluchi-style face with pouting lips and insolent look in the eye. She's about fifteen years old I should think, not more, but she stands there with bangles all the way up her arm and nothing else on. A girl perfectly, for the moment, perfectly confident of herself and the world. There's nothing like her, I think, in the world."

John Marshall, one of the excavators at Mohenjo-Daro, described her as a vivid impression of the young ... girl, her hand on her hip in a half-impudent posture, and legs slightly forward as she beats time to the music with her legs and feet.


courtesy of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohenjo-daro#Artifacts

still i cun quite picture it. so i googled-image tt thing.

seeing her one moment, i din feel anything.

"There's nothing like her, I think, in the world." kept ringing in my head...

so i did it. i stood like her. i imagined my salangai and bangles on me. just like her. dancing. stage. feel. inside out. heart-to heart.

*
*
*
*

i felt like her. i could feel it. the nonchalence. the beauty of dance in her hips. the arrogance of her youth in her face. all of it.

cloud nine. i tell u.
inexplicable.

dun ask me why. i just cant explain.its right deep within. like when smth so beautiful makes u feel just the way it is. larger than love. larger than what u think would have made u the happiest person on earth. non-materialistic. the intangible. the intangible that make u feel so worthless yet so complete.

which brings to me to my last nite task when i had to explain to Ryan Bhai why WB Yeats poem was so beautiful and my most favourite in the seven yrs i have been studying literature. i have nvr fallen so much in love with such writing b4. Ms Anne Victor of NYJC first gave me this poem on 14-02-2005. My V-day gift from the Lit department.

HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.


W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)
"He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven"
from the Collected Works of W.B. Yeats



to fall in love over and over again with art and literature is not smth everyone can do. not all of us are dreamers. u may not feel as much as me. but to be on a different intellectual level... apart from all the physicalities that make up this earth... the intangible, the appreciation and the analysis of the complexities of life, love and art is what i truly seek.

of the people i have met in my life... my friends , my dates, my families and who-not,
i have nvr quite met sumone sharing such insanity to such extremes with me...

tell me tell me if u know. we can dwell in the love of love, the life of life and the arts of art together...


and with all this, i truly feel for the lost civilisation. and shd i seek reincarnation, i wish to be the Dancing girl.


adioz.

enaduyire and mudhal mazhai

today.i.feel.super.blocked.and.i.only.can.think.of.these.two.songs.to.reflect.my.mood
esp.enadhuyire.kills.me.every.word.of.it.and.mudhal.mazhai.i.dunno.i.suppose.its.all.
abt.the.solitude.i.felt.while.u.were.away.


however.tt.is.this.is.the.heart.of.shree.sangeeth.reigns.in.me.and.you.too.u.know.it.







vazhiyoram.vizhi.vaikirean.

teen

after 6 yrs of being a teen and almost reaching the BIG twenty, i finally behaved like one ysdty.

my dad locked me outta my hse cos i came home late from a party.
i tell u. altho i got pist mad at everyone cos they weren't helping me to get inside, in a way i felt it was really comical. which is why i am shamelessly admitting this in my blog so blatantly.

point is, i had promised my bro and mum that i will be back hme by a stipulated time. however i was called home an hr earlier and that too i politely abided by. so i did rush back home ( btw i had a gd conversation with the cabby) only to be left stranded outside. so that was a totally unreasonable thingy. but considering that my dad n i have a cold-war for a long time since already, i cun quite say much.

haiz. i dun quite know wat to make out of my actions. have always been known to be behaving maturedly, but i felt like a small gal ystdy. sighs. it was so embarassing. knowing my tendencies to be rebellious, i almost went back to the party i came from. but yeah that was only 'lip-service'. i din dare do it.

well, i aint affected by this a bit. cos i have had worst shit b4. just wanted to pen this down cos it is a day i will rmbr. the first time ever... a sign of growing up?? i dunno. maybe. an addition into the list of 'oh!-i-so-dun-wanna-rmbr-this-day'?

haha. yups.

after cleaning up my room today, i plan to finish my polit sci essay. den mon till wed with my lit essay. den philo essay by the 5th. and den after downstr8 mugging for the sem exams.

and yes. the matters of the heart.
been brave. and pulling myself thru. just spare me the stress of repeating myself or asking for the status quo. Shree has put it all on hold. the timebomb is just ticking away.
and i admit defeat. wat u said was true. my fault as much.
if only i din care as much and nvr judged sumone.
i learnt smth.

dun judge. the less u judge, the more u love. even Jaish Ram said so once.

btw i miss u gal.i know i have MIA-ed from u a while. but u r really my yardstick to whether ur shree is fine or not. i bet u know tht by now. am getting back. gimme a while more ok. tnx.

the cOnFuSeD kId theory enters my life again. hahahaha. u rock me outta my seat.*winks*

val. thanks for that song dedication. pretty cool.

Din. u rock la. thanks for the company. hope u had fun. n u can mug now.

Fab. take care.

GOD. i am gd. i think. dun worry. rmbr to call me for ur study periods.

and appa.

i miss u. there are 11 more days to ur death anniversary. i am afraid the significance of ur death is losing as the yrs come by. but no. i told u already. i wanna feel the pain. alto i am just hiding away. u cant go away just like tt. not ur memories. only those seem stagnant in the unpredictable life of Shree.
i miss u appa.


adioz.

karu karu karupayee

wahahaha. wait wait wait.

i muz say this.


*karu karu karupayee. nee veluthathu yean karupayee* background music


i am not the karupayee right?
nah nvr.
thoda thoda thodamaaten. thotta naanum vodamatean.
and yeah. the thirpuaatchi arivaalu wave.
vida vida vida vida maatean. nee thodama naan vidamaatean.



crap i cant stop laughing!!

wahahaha.



i only have one thing to say.

in the end, life fucks us all.

i still haven stopped laughing.
hahahahaha.




adioz.

over-reactin

maybe i am just overreacting.
i am having a splitting headache. no its not a hangover.altho i wish it was.hahaha.
well den and again, i feel i am wasting my time over smth i deem extremely special to me but hell the feeling isn't reciprocrated. it hurts, over and over again and my life seems completely out of control. i wish i cld just leave my house straightaway and knock at the door of happiness. and stay put. if only there was such an avenue for mankind, then there wld be no need for hell or even sins. just glee and more love and affection shared.
smtimes i can get really carried away by my emotions i muz admit. somehow i can't grab hold of it. seeing myself to pull each day seems to ache the hell outta me. why? i have always put on a facade to be such a strong person, but deep down within me there is a devil waiting to scream. scream out and cry to u. and to u only.
with three assignments due in a week, i am seriously putting myself in deep shit. i dunno wat i wan out of my life actually.
let me see. sumone actually told me that its all normal to feel this way when ya reaching ya 20s. hell growing up is such a painful process. and i have chosen to sit down and brood over it so much.
i miss my shell. that room of mine b4 it was open to the rest of the world to see or even enter. those times when no one knew who Shree was. that whole mystery and secrecy. and now i feel like an open book. all violated and stepped upon. its painful and excrutiating. it harms me - the delicate threads of my heart are gnawed at... slowly everything gets loosened. the blood drips profusely and i lose my consciousness gradually... only wishing to seek refuge in ur arms all over again.

appa r u watching all of these? friday its ur prayers. fourth yr. are u even there? why dun i feel u anymore? u seem so distant more than ever b4. dun let me go. not u pls.

adioz

fucking mad

i am fucking mad. just when u have got a whole load of work to do, sum ppl make u feel fucking mad. get u blowing ur mind off.


why the fuck cant ppl be truthful?


uuuurrrrgh i feel so fucked up really.
i wanna study. why do u ruin it all???


CCB. i hate u. and all those that u do.

i keep saying its my fault. but hell. how much do i tell this to myself??


god. either u get me out of this. or u bring me to u.

i have no fucking strength anymore.



adioz

and so it was.

thoongum azhaginai paarthu rasithida iravellam kan vizhithu kidappeane

and so it was.

today i went out to run errands and had a good date with sathiya babe. we spoke but not too long.

well u see, as much as i wld love to have led a more fruitful day, i am satisfied.

although deep down within there is deep void that is waiting to be filled.

by you alone.





and to GOD, i am sorry abt today.

called the selfish one

u r disappointed in me cos i was selfish.
selfish to see u. and to show u that i cared.

if all my true intentions of care n affection be reflected to u to be of selfishness and rudeness,
may all heaven cry in shame.

fatigue grapples me. too much of the presence of ur absence sends my body signals.
signals of malfunction and weakness.

i aint so fiesty and angry anymore. i have no more strength to continue such strong feelings.

let me feel afresh by telling myself i deserve this. and that while u are away with ur own comfortable solitude, let me just assure u smth.

nothing's changed.



adioz.



uyirin thuli kaayum munne en vizhi unnai kaanum kanne

once bitten, twice shy

hey look.
i think u have got no fucking balls.

yeah u looked like u deserved so much of respect.
commanded truth and spouted lies.
a cheat was all u were.

i cant stand this cowardly silence u are holding onto.
fucking no guts to talk to me?
i bet this is wat they taught u.

my mounth is itching.
itching to ask u to screw off.
why all this emotional turmoil?
why all this blackmail?
and u make it seem like its all my fault.


hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
let me warn u.
i am still patient.
i still have my tolerance. and i am still waiting.
waiting like how u left it all.

cos when u return to rekindle the fire in me.
i will burn u.



adioz.

ullam kollai poguthey

yaar antha roja poo... kannadi nenjin mel
kal veesu ponaan
avan yaaro...

fabian

control me if u must
i know i argue so much
i love that cold hard stare
to catch hold of my arrogance

be angry if u must
i know i can make u so mad
that snapping of reality
brutal honesty i know

seeing thru ur lies
to let me know u love me much
makes me melt in ice
the little devil in me giggling

i see how fast u turn me around
realisation its called
that brutal honesty in u
turns hurt into love

when u scold
u make me run
run for my life; run towards u
haha u bledi runner

the tears- made worthwhile
the smile- u returned it back
i liked the one on the cheek
and then u turn n walk away in anger

and the cycle continues



engaiyo unnudan naan vaazhntha nyaabagam...

inimel namathu ithalgal inainthu sirrikum osai ketkume...

makiZhchi meeruthey... vaanai thaanduthey... saaga thoandruthey...

dear diary

dear diary,

i am feeling so lonely.

'though its just moments we get to embrace... i am looking forward to spending a lifetime of these moments with u'



waiting each day is a pain that i will joyfully bear.

all the nights without comfort

all the days without my true soul

all the times without ur hands in mine

all the seconds without the security

all the tears of confusion




will come to an end this friday.


and Shree will finally be where she truly belongs...


adioz.