two fucked up

29-08-07

i am feeling damn fucked up.
no its not only cos i am tired, i just hate this situation right now.

scenario:

suppose u work on a farm.
the supervisor in charge of u knows tt ya hardworking and a super- efficient farmer.
den he goes away for sum reason, leaving u to manage his work.
the damn farm owner comes,preferring u to the previous worker. the previous worker swindled money n left the job.
somehow the owners r being a pain n u cant do anyth to leave ur job cos u love it too much n u just wish ur supevisor returns.


i am really upset.


well anyway, following a literal death threat ystdy nite, i suddenly think abt death and life-after.
i read The five ppl u meet in heaven. excellent book. it sets u thinking and appreciating and observing events all ard u. i wonder who i will meet, to make sense of all the crap ard me. but i bet i will meet appa.
today morn sch was so exhausting.
i know tt i m needing my vitamins n the lack of it all is making me feel so lousy.
with many agendas to meet today, the lack of sleep is just pushing me back as well but at the same time, the disturbed mind rather be busy den to sleep in.
reasons are if i idle n tell myself to sleep, i mite wake up feeling fucked up as eva. so what is the whole bloody pt of it all?

i am so pessimistic i know.

i need to go for tuitions, whole lot of tutorials to be done, gotta meet this charity organisation lady, paatu class, threading to be done, two mths of hp bill to be settled, tuition kids and their unpaid tuition fees...


just call me will u. to know ya still ard although u r not will help. i think.


adioz.

thanimai thanimaiyo... kodumai kodumaiyo...





30-08-07



so yeah i was not feeling pessimistic for ntg.
i was right after all abt all those mixed feelings. a call was all it had to take to confirm ill luck.


i feel realli sad for sumone else who is the direct party to the dire situation over here. just tt life sux big time.

a new shree is born.

let me just tell u tt.i aint gonna feel like sum weakling, like how i was ysdty.

gimme two more mths. den i will settle in completely into this new persona.

trust me. cos u made my life so miserable, i hate u.

i fucking hate you.



adios.

in school

i am in school. so much of work to do.

i am tired. somebody help me!!!

i need love, hug and a big kiss on my cheek to tell me to hang on.




adioz

no time!!!

aaahhhhhh

i have been so annoyingly busy that i even missed my tutorial appeal time!!!!
gosh. i am sooo lazy to bring my laptop to school as well.

braba dun kill me. i missed the LFC match tt day.the bloody draw was LFC poata pitchai to CFC.

okie okie lemme take this chance.
all my uni frens. dun burn out. we all know hw this varsiuty edu is getting on our F nerves.


my O/A level frens. work hard. hard work is the key to success.


SHree. the inner me. give it ur best shot. after all u know it is wort it.
but dun stoop so low. u deserve the respect and love, just like any1 else.

pappa, i miss u. i bet ya watching me thru this nternal ordeal. see me see me see me cry n smile.



adioz.

lemme clear my head

let me first clear my head


1. 9th August 07

thurs. My country's National Day.
i rmbr on wednesday when i was returning from paatu class, i saw this ad on the MRT platform at city hall. it was sum vitagen advertisement. a new product. and the ad was in chinese. a chinese spokeswoman had her support displayed in chinese characters.

i muz admit that i am a patriotic citizen. or so i wld like to think. and tt day, when i was eagerly trying to find out more abt the product, i realised that i was short-changed of info cos of the language barrier.i have ntg against the language. in fact, i personally feel that it is a challenge to undertake mandarin, and its the next on my list after hindi class.

Den and again, i muz confess that i was utterly disappointed because as long as my eyes cld see from the last platform, i was not able to understand what the product was offering. so much for equality and harmony. and so much for smart marketing strategies. u just lost one customer dammit.

this din stop me from standing up during my Nation's most esteemed national anthem and pledge. i was awed by the stellar performance of my motherlanders. awesome camaraderie displayed. kudos.



2. 12th Aug 07

It was akka's 25th bday. one of the many bdays tis mth. i had a splendid time with my family and her godparents at Marina;steamboat. fun. and good family time. She was soo happy. felt good truly.

Such angels, so innocent and truthful...are hard to find. and with one who sleeps beside me every night,i wonder where else am i to find for such purity in someone.

Appreciation.





3.
school. lesson proper has started.
i dun wanna regret my path of education anymore. its becos i chose to be so nonchalent abt my maths in J1, i suffered in J2. screwed up maths with an E. A near-to-perfect A Level cert that cld haf been my ticket to NUS Law faculty flew just damn away.

Laptop not ready. annoying, screwed up balloting left to confirm timetable. lect notes yet to be printed out.Mid term test on the first wk of Oct. Yup tts six weeks left.
Room still filled with A level notes. Yup i was so sure that i was gonna repeat my A's tt i kept all my books and notes.
btw u shd check out my prev entries abt screwing my A's. hahaha.
F comical.


4.
today's date is my fave four-digit number.
1408.

dun try buy 4D.i already have. urs shd be sold out. CURSED.







i love each second i hate you...
i love u more tt way...


adioz.

hmmm.life sux.

today i went to paatu class after such a looong time. i kinda embarassed myself when i was asked to sing.

anyway today loadsa things happened. and i am keeping note. me n myself and you. i see different faces of u. n it annoys me. but then and again. thats pretty much me as well.
u were right abt being my mirror.

so Shree aint complaining aitez.

today was a tiring day for me. but i felt so liberal travelling to paatu class alone.

i got all my modules. pretty cool. hmmm. time to get started. with work n settling down with uni life. i hope not to get myself into shit stuff. i will sooo hate myself if i dun concentrate on my work.

i had a nice evening ystdy. prayers n all.



in short
to sum up my life this week


en mel yaarum kal adithaal... sirikkavum pazhagi kondean...


adioz.

den its me.

so i went for the yogi b concert.
it was awesome.
simply awesome.

thanks to sumone who is awesome as much.
my kit kat bar kept me company.

today i was PMSing pretty much. kept laughing at those times when i shd be serious.
so i ended up getting my other half serious. seriously mad.

school is starting. i cant wait to go back to my books.
but i must confess that i have been such a mess myself recently. and i quite doubt my seriousness.
apart from that, i will be gg thru sum shit crisis for 50 odd days soon.
so yeah.


back to paatu class on wednesday. i am sooo screwed i know.


btw i wrote smth. i liked it. but sumone else quite din.

un nenjil naan indru santhitha urakkam...
en thaayin karuvile naan kanda marumalarchi...


yikes! i am soo tired. and i haven been sleeping well.


tmr thiviya is coming over to my place.
i am still deciding on what to cook. hmmm. vege dishes. ideas anyone?

i need to tell myself smth.

u are deviating from who u really are babe.
time to get back. to the good ol' days.


adioz.

immature

shree is getting screwed up.

i guess i have been immature abt many things. n i REGRET.

well i gotta learn. and i better.



i have skipped paatu class for two mths already.
it sux. and saras is so mad at me. aiyoooo. babe.. dun do this.


my module bidding is screwed. thallippoana CORS website.

back again.
i wish i wish.
i wish to learn.
not for myself.


but u.
just u.