Repercussions it is called.
Today in the shower, I stood there, teary-eyed and the cold water trickled down from my head. I wanted this so badly I know. Prayed everyday for it. Cried in the nights. Stayed fearful for the subsequent days that were to come by. And now when the breeze started flowing my way... everything vanished together with it...
So lets just see. The dreams are coming back? Those tears too? Fears? Prayers for sumone who din care?
The psychotic effect? Suicidal attempts? Lies outta fear?
So I am supposed to let go? And say yes. And ruin all that I have planned and promised myself this year.
Wat abt getting ready to do things in solitude? Wat abt psyching up oneself to be ready to see life ahead as a challenge that needs to be taken up alone and without anyone’s interference?
Do memories have forms? If only they had, I wld have burnt them completely. And washed the ashes in the sea. But memories are stubborn. Just like me. Annoying like u. Persistent like problems. And as each one makes its appearance in my mind, I take them fondly and mother them...feeding them with pain and carrying them in my heart... just like I did to u once. But like how all of that stopped, these have to stop too... right?
When I stepped out of my shower, I was silently wishing to see a sms from u in my phone, which I had thot was kept in the room while I was bathing. Thats when I realised that the enadhuyire song that had been playing throughout my hr-long shower was actually playing from my cyber-shot.
See this is wat I told u. U fucking drive me nuts.
:: look into your heart ::
:: hear it speak ::
:: listen ::
:: hear it speak ::
:: listen ::
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
its been so long since i blogged- once again. got loadsa things to let out. this blog nvr fails to be my outlet and catharsis and i m glad it is. i aint gonna make another announcement to tell big mouths to shut up and stop gossipping abt this blog.cos hell i dun care anymore if anyone should fail to shut their shit-filled gap.
1. growing pains.
so the new academic yr started for many. seeing my nephew start his 2nd yr in primary school, i wonder if i went thru such growing pains. haha. he loves school. but i feel he has so much to learn. assessmennt and tuition. i rmbr not having tuition till sec sch and nvr really had to study everyday afta sch. even the day b4 PSLE, i was watching PCK private limited! wahaha.
2.my first day of this sem
trust me i was one happy kid. haha. i simply cun wait to get back to school and start my nonsense. but of cos, i still have not started my revision for all the work that has been done in two weeks. sighz.
3.jack of all trades; master of none
listening to girish sir tells me sumth that i can nvr quite adhere to... he chooses to focus and excel in one - his dance. thats his passion and almost everything or rather the only thing he has. but he is excellent in it. i am just quite the total opposite.i put my feet into everything i wanna try. salsa, yoga, dance, singing, studying blah blah blah. and i like em all of cos. but i cannot exist without being myself and neither can girish be putting his feet into everything. the passion differs and neither is one lower than the other nor more supreme. its another perspective and oddly, the bizzare walks of life many stray into.
4.solitude
i am adamant of the fact that i know myself far better than anyone else. and this my reflective nature can attest to. i suddenly once told jaish that the more friends one has in life, there is a greater possibility for one to stray away from their goals and aims in life. my opinion of this is simple. u tend to spend more time with them, and for sumone like me, i surely wld try to. and if u wanna be persnickety abt being goal-driven,u choose to neglect unnecessary trouble and relationships which ultimately try to invade into ur time and life's balance. so the best way is to keep limits and focus. Even Dr.Black agreed. its time to turn dreams into reality.
5.odd
its odd how life plays with u. i am utterly shocked at my life's progresses and events so far this yr. one thing, retribution surely plays its role too well and do i even need to speak of karma. furthermore, it is appalling to see returning relationships- old friends and memories... its definitely nice to stay by and ask to be rooted and soaked in them once again. but hell, the whole world moves on and if u dun, u wld be left behind! maybe its the age to struggle btw teenagehood and adulthood. just like according to the author of The Little Prince, to be an undesired adult or a simple child. hmmm. i chose to re-read this book after 6 yrs. and it definitely opens my eyes. (though i still think he lied that its a book for kids, cos i feel its a total satire of adulthood)
btw, pertaining to whateva happened ysty night and today morn, i just think that sum ppl just deserve it.
நல்ல முத்துச் சுடர் போலே நிலாவொளி முன்பு வரவேணும் - அங்குக்
கத்தும் குயிலோசை சற்றே வந்து காதிற் படவேணும் - என்றன்
சித்தம் மகிழ்ந்திடவே நன்றாய் இளந்தென்றல் வரவேணும்
adioz.
1. growing pains.
so the new academic yr started for many. seeing my nephew start his 2nd yr in primary school, i wonder if i went thru such growing pains. haha. he loves school. but i feel he has so much to learn. assessmennt and tuition. i rmbr not having tuition till sec sch and nvr really had to study everyday afta sch. even the day b4 PSLE, i was watching PCK private limited! wahaha.
2.my first day of this sem
trust me i was one happy kid. haha. i simply cun wait to get back to school and start my nonsense. but of cos, i still have not started my revision for all the work that has been done in two weeks. sighz.
3.jack of all trades; master of none
listening to girish sir tells me sumth that i can nvr quite adhere to... he chooses to focus and excel in one - his dance. thats his passion and almost everything or rather the only thing he has. but he is excellent in it. i am just quite the total opposite.i put my feet into everything i wanna try. salsa, yoga, dance, singing, studying blah blah blah. and i like em all of cos. but i cannot exist without being myself and neither can girish be putting his feet into everything. the passion differs and neither is one lower than the other nor more supreme. its another perspective and oddly, the bizzare walks of life many stray into.
4.solitude
i am adamant of the fact that i know myself far better than anyone else. and this my reflective nature can attest to. i suddenly once told jaish that the more friends one has in life, there is a greater possibility for one to stray away from their goals and aims in life. my opinion of this is simple. u tend to spend more time with them, and for sumone like me, i surely wld try to. and if u wanna be persnickety abt being goal-driven,u choose to neglect unnecessary trouble and relationships which ultimately try to invade into ur time and life's balance. so the best way is to keep limits and focus. Even Dr.Black agreed. its time to turn dreams into reality.
5.odd
its odd how life plays with u. i am utterly shocked at my life's progresses and events so far this yr. one thing, retribution surely plays its role too well and do i even need to speak of karma. furthermore, it is appalling to see returning relationships- old friends and memories... its definitely nice to stay by and ask to be rooted and soaked in them once again. but hell, the whole world moves on and if u dun, u wld be left behind! maybe its the age to struggle btw teenagehood and adulthood. just like according to the author of The Little Prince, to be an undesired adult or a simple child. hmmm. i chose to re-read this book after 6 yrs. and it definitely opens my eyes. (though i still think he lied that its a book for kids, cos i feel its a total satire of adulthood)
btw, pertaining to whateva happened ysty night and today morn, i just think that sum ppl just deserve it.
நல்ல முத்துச் சுடர் போலே நிலாவொளி முன்பு வரவேணும் - அங்குக்
கத்தும் குயிலோசை சற்றே வந்து காதிற் படவேணும் - என்றன்
சித்தம் மகிழ்ந்திடவே நன்றாய் இளந்தென்றல் வரவேணும்
adioz.
Monday, January 07, 2008
the new year is here
the year has started. workload is piling. i think i am one wierdo. cos having no work to do can drive me crazy. as much as i tell my friends i wanna be a housewife much much later in my life, i know i wun be. hahaha.
sch is gonna start! yey! was sick the past four days. damn. i lost my voice one night. hell. i was croaking la!! btw i am planning a new lit portfolio. gotta get it all started. tt is gonna take me such a long time to get it completely done.
been listening to sum old sch music the past week. kills me. btw i think naresh iyer's voice is friggin' nice in mayilirage. waaa i will marry anyone who can sing exactly like him!!
its 2 am and i m sooo slpy. but i wanna stay awake so that i can watch this 80s movie at 3am. i have relief in the morn so i am prob gonna drag my feet to sch and tuition after that w/o an inch of sleep. but hell, such chinna chinna aasaigal make up life.
talking about life, i get reminded of death. today i had to attend 3 funerals, outta which i only attended 2. two were my distant uncles and one was my Jak's grandma; makkal i used to call her. sighz. i personally hate to attend funerals. dunno y. one of my aunts was actually telling me abt how she makes sure that she attends all the funerals she has to.cos according to her it is very impt that she pays her last respects. i dun have a problem with that of cos; just that i hate the very ritual of sending off a person, and sending off sumone is definitely a sad affair, which i obviously dun wish to face.
next, i aint a big fan of vijay anytime. but this video below definitely gets me awed by his infallible dance talent. i think asin did a fabulous job as well. i guess wat attracts me the most to this clip is the chemistry shared btw the two stars. and of cos, the song itself too.
adioz.
sch is gonna start! yey! was sick the past four days. damn. i lost my voice one night. hell. i was croaking la!! btw i am planning a new lit portfolio. gotta get it all started. tt is gonna take me such a long time to get it completely done.
been listening to sum old sch music the past week. kills me. btw i think naresh iyer's voice is friggin' nice in mayilirage. waaa i will marry anyone who can sing exactly like him!!
its 2 am and i m sooo slpy. but i wanna stay awake so that i can watch this 80s movie at 3am. i have relief in the morn so i am prob gonna drag my feet to sch and tuition after that w/o an inch of sleep. but hell, such chinna chinna aasaigal make up life.
talking about life, i get reminded of death. today i had to attend 3 funerals, outta which i only attended 2. two were my distant uncles and one was my Jak's grandma; makkal i used to call her. sighz. i personally hate to attend funerals. dunno y. one of my aunts was actually telling me abt how she makes sure that she attends all the funerals she has to.cos according to her it is very impt that she pays her last respects. i dun have a problem with that of cos; just that i hate the very ritual of sending off a person, and sending off sumone is definitely a sad affair, which i obviously dun wish to face.
next, i aint a big fan of vijay anytime. but this video below definitely gets me awed by his infallible dance talent. i think asin did a fabulous job as well. i guess wat attracts me the most to this clip is the chemistry shared btw the two stars. and of cos, the song itself too.
adioz.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
new yr
yey the new yr is here!!
to all, have a gr8 yr ahead!cant wait fr sch to start so that i can go back to all that studying and working hard!
adioz.
to all, have a gr8 yr ahead!cant wait fr sch to start so that i can go back to all that studying and working hard!
adioz.
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