sm 09

i am fucking stressed.

sange muzhangu. work. tuitions. n a perturbed mind

sucks this whole combination. i dunno how long i can last this way. hate it. loathe it.

i am so bloody confused. the confused kid theory sets in again. makes my life no better.

all that sudden incompetency is not helping

gives me the creeps

i wanna get outta this shithole

i need to see the horizon to swim further. but its too dark dude, and u block the sunlight even further.

sum things u just cant say. all that secrets in the chambers of ur heart. to no avail. such forbiddence.

i wanna see myself smile again. be tt mindless freak i was last sat at o bar.

i need a break. and one badly.

pretty pls. stop time and let me run ahead.

adioz.

2nd post

தமிழுக்கு என்னையே அர்ப்பணித்த காரணங்களில் இதுவும் ஒன்று...

கவின்மிகு பாடல் வரிகள்...

1. இளைய கன்னியின் இமைத்திடாத கண் இங்கும் அங்குமே தேட (யமுனை ஆற்றிலே)


2. அழகாக சிரித்தது அந்த நிலவு


3. ஒரு கோடி மின்னலை பார்வை ஜென்னலாய் வீச சொல்லியா கேட்டேன்? இனி நிலவை பார்க்கவே மாட்டேன் (நான் வானவில்லையே)


4. அற்றை திங்கள் அன்னிலவில், கொற்ற பொய்கையில் ஆடுகையில், ஒற்றி பார்வை பார்த்தவனும் நீயா? (நறுமுகையே)


5. நீ அழைக்கின்ற வேளையில் உயிர் பூ திடுக்கின்று மலரும் (புது வெள்ளை மழை)


6. கருப்பு வெள்ளை பூக்கள் உண்டா? உன் கண்ணில் நான் கண்டேன்... உன் கண்கள் வண்டி உண்ணும் பூக்கள் என்பேன் (சுட்டும் விழி சுடரே)


7. வாழை குமரியடி கண்ணம்மா, மருவக் காதல் கொண்டேன் ( சுட்டும் விழி சுடர்)


8. வெண்ணிலவே விண்ணை தாண்டி வருவாயா? விளையாட ஜோடி தேவை! இந்த பூலோகத்தில் யாரும் பார்க்கும் முன்னே உன்னை அதிகாலை அனுப்பி வைப்போம்...


9. உன்னை பார்த்து எந்தன் தாய் மொழி மறந்தேன்! (கண்ணாளனே)

n the rest i am just too lazy to type...

adioz

some bastards

i cant slp.
with so many thots running thru my head...
i hate ths weight gain the suddenness of pimples
and the unexpected low self esteem.
it came even b4 pms.

i dun wan2 slp.
dun ask me y. i m in no mood to sit down discuss how who did this n what went wrong. arent we all a bit too old alrdy? hw abt thinking abt whr my future takes me instead?

sum ppl in my life try to think i am their fucking doll. interrogating me like a bloody convict. pride kills. false prides stabs u in the neck and u'll bleed till u run dry. and yes thats a curse.

its a dog eat dog world. den y ask me to be a vegetarian?am i not suppose to compete in the rat race as well?

why the fuck muz everything be seen as a forbidden ground? vaaname ellai. my mind has countless thoughts. how personal and peaceful. how secretive and... dangerous.

dreams unfulfilled. halting and i am responsible. when? when i see my face in the mirror and my dashed hopes stare back at me? shree, cant u handle this one, too?


i need this distraction. cos it won't last. period. i need my space to breathe and grow up.


and u fucking watch the way u speak to me.


adioz.

sugar rush

i am feeling so fucked up. i know its just the fucking sugar rush. the shark and the redbull did it.i cant stand it sumtimes. i hate this whole feeling.
that one wierd feeling in me and the trepidation is too much to hold. and the reoccuring thought is annoying.

u know what, i need a break. i cant wait for exams to end. i need to sit down, stare at the wall and be with myself. i miss myself so much. running ard, exams and all tt tuition and life with ntg for myself is annoying. fucking irritating.
and all that dough game, i wonder when tt stops.
i wanna slp, sugar is making me mentally tired i think. i wanna eat, the weighing scale scares me. i wanna have fun, the hole in my pocket is becoming bigger.
bitch. life is such a bitch. i feel like lamenting and lamenting. and i am not pmsing. its just the fucking sugar rush. and next tuesday, i gotta undergo the same shit. just cos of that stupid morning paper. u guys ok or not? who wants to start writing at 9am?? not me. thats almost the
time i am super deep in my slp.
watching the ny videos is bringing up loadsa memories. and like i said, the best thing that eva happened to me there is hariharan. i loved the freedom, unlike AC. the sch and the chinese ambience was wat i loved abt it the most. but i mean who is out there to dictate my life and tell me what i enjoyed and loved? the one reading this for KPO sake? or the ones who self proclaim the rights over my memories?

i am liking mafia wars. after so long, i actually like a game. and i cant access it now. how irritating is that? i mean u like smth and u dun get to play it and when i play it feel less stressed. i mean when i study gender, it tells me that men are such competitive ppl that they see everything as a game/competition. so why cant women see things this way? when we start challenging life, we are seen as stronger (cos we are) and then get stigmatized as a rebel? who the fuck gave u such wrong sociological opinions?

the mental life is affected u know, those who keep wanting all for themselves. from false pride to all that know-it-all attitude, i mean c'mon la. grow up. its over. and that pretty yet annoying lecturer who wrote me crap, i still like ur punctuality thingy.

Such random writing. incoherence. just like the thoughts in my damn head. a little nice word would do me some good. and less thinking. and no seeing. and mafia wars. and no more shark and redbull.
individuality works for me, trust me. as long as i keep running the day with work, sch, tuition and walk walk walk talk, i am sane. and thats the onli way to find out. on the contrary.

adioz

கேளடி kanmani

ntg seems very personal anymore, does it? somehow evryone has their two cents to add into my life.

i am suffering frm slight insomnia.

i think n think n think.

exam tmr and here i am awake.

Psalm 20

appa

durga parameshwari


settled.


adioz.

tamil

எனக்கு நித்திரை வருகிறது. சற்று ஓய்வெடுக்கலாமே என்று மனதில் தோன்றுகிறது.மனத்திரையில் அவனது முகமே உலா வருகிறது. அதனாலே தூக்கம் வருகிறதோ என்னவோ? இருபத்தி ஒன்றாம் வயதில் ஏற்படும் மாற்றங்களில் இதுவும் ஒன்றோ? காதலைவிட என் கல்வியிலும் என் கள்ளாப்பெட்டியிலுமே நாட்டம் அதிகமுண்டு!

with all the economic crisis and more women staying single, maybe this could be an alternative mindset for all those women with high aspirations.


கனவிலே கண்டேன் நான் ஒரு பாரதியார் புதுமைபெண் என்று!
அதிலும் கண்டேன் உன் சேயிக்கு நானே தாய் என்று!

ஜெஸ்ரீ
personal power is the ability to take action.


happiness is sitting next to me. i so need to get back to some serious studying.