well today the day started with shali calling. and i m still on the fone with her!
talking abt all those things that have slipped past our hands, ang mo kio mrt station, our pp storiesn wat not. miss u babe!!
nice ppl have definitely done their part in making my day. mrs.nelson caled me n invited me for her daughter's wedding. i was really touched. which teacher does that man? we have one mother-daughter r/ship.
navaraathiri is coming. haven quite practised my songs. waddya expect when i stay rooted in front of the comp n type n research like good 5 hrs each day? n then muz study study study aaaah. recess week has taken its toll on my health, sleep especially. but i haven completed my Polit Sci module n geog. aaargh. as alwayz my lit is the first to be done. n done well.
this little void in my heart. pains me. i cant quite help it. but wait in patience. for explanations and explanations.
feel independence when sumone loses dependence on u.
feel lonely when someone leaves u.
can u see the irony of it?
verenna vendum ulagathile?
intha inbam pothum nenjile...
yezhezhu jenmam vaazhnthuvittean!
adioz
:: look into your heart ::
:: hear it speak ::
:: listen ::
:: hear it speak ::
:: listen ::
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
cant sleep
i cant sleep. i dun quite know how to make out my life right now. its filled with monotony and loadsa anticipation.
well today the kids had a good time with their lanterns. The moon was really full and bright.and beautiful. ini naanum naan illai
i realise smth. no matter who u've got around u, its ultimately one in his own grave. that defeats the point of having a family or friends for that matter. does that mean that one should live in solitude becos one eventually faces the inevitable death alone? does that not equate life to a point of futility?
leaving such questions unanswered, on my way back home from the bus-stop, i formed a dialogue in my thoughts abt tamil. read on.
thamizhil azhagu endru kooruvathu ellame azhagu illai.
meen poandra kann azhaga?
minnal poandra idai azhaga?
annam poanda nadai azhaga?
illaiye!
acham, madam, naanam, payirpu enbathu oru pennuku azhagu endru vethangal koorukindrathey,
ivai naangum oru pennuku azhaga?
allathu avargalathu munnetrathirkku oru muttukattaiya?
oru pennukku azhagu avalathu ullam.
athaivida azhagu thaaimai.
oru thamizh pennukku azhagu thimir!
enanakku thamizhai kattru thanthavar subramaniya bharathiyaar.
naan avarathu sishyan alla;
puthumai penn!
i like wat i wrote.
uchi meedu vaan idinthu veezhu kindra pothilum,
achamillai achamillai acham enbathu illaiye!
- bharathiyaar.
well today the kids had a good time with their lanterns. The moon was really full and bright.and beautiful. ini naanum naan illai
i realise smth. no matter who u've got around u, its ultimately one in his own grave. that defeats the point of having a family or friends for that matter. does that mean that one should live in solitude becos one eventually faces the inevitable death alone? does that not equate life to a point of futility?
leaving such questions unanswered, on my way back home from the bus-stop, i formed a dialogue in my thoughts abt tamil. read on.
thamizhil azhagu endru kooruvathu ellame azhagu illai.
meen poandra kann azhaga?
minnal poandra idai azhaga?
annam poanda nadai azhaga?
illaiye!
acham, madam, naanam, payirpu enbathu oru pennuku azhagu endru vethangal koorukindrathey,
ivai naangum oru pennuku azhaga?
allathu avargalathu munnetrathirkku oru muttukattaiya?
oru pennukku azhagu avalathu ullam.
athaivida azhagu thaaimai.
oru thamizh pennukku azhagu thimir!
enanakku thamizhai kattru thanthavar subramaniya bharathiyaar.
naan avarathu sishyan alla;
puthumai penn!
i like wat i wrote.
uchi meedu vaan idinthu veezhu kindra pothilum,
achamillai achamillai acham enbathu illaiye!
- bharathiyaar.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
the bastardly world
its been abt ten days since i blogged. ten days flew by like a breeze yet many days hold pain and yet memories. memories of betrayal and true sincere love.
maybe u guys already know.i have been feeling pretty much unmotivated and lazy abt even getting my ass to school. i rather sleep in, do my tutorials late night and dream my days away. not exactly a gd way to cope with a void in my life, but sumhow, i have passed ten days. successfully. i think.
good stuff first.
i have learnt, i am now clear. thanks Fab for the call and the lil short meeting in between. got me moving. gg on. i am waiting. come back quickly.
many friends have come up to me saying how much i have motivated them to study but i aint doing the same.its so annoying. but hell i trying so hard. just get me off my bed. even my phone does not ring as often. but anyway the calls wun be picked up as well. so yupz.
well now to face reality, i have to make a proclamation. for all to read.
my past is fake. no longer authentic like how i thot it was. all the feelings and arrogance i held on to it; its no longer there. it has been shattered. totally. and all the remnants have been thrown away, no longer buried deep within me. i have been pretty selfish abt things the past six years of my life. if only i knew it all along, i wld been in a better position in my life. i always owed the way i have grown up and how i have been to this one person in my life and now i know its all not true.
i dun quite worry abt the loss of a supposed true fren cos of this dillemma. i dun quite worry abt the mess u put me into.all that hurt me and broke me was the betrayal u confessed to me.
of all the times,i chose to believe it this time round.
another ruined bday party by you,another harsh memory for me to hold.but i am holding it good. just one msg to u, if it wld ever get into ur head.
you have lost me COMPLETELY.
its time now to be fair and sincere. to the one who truly deserves it. and this i promise.
adioz.
maybe u guys already know.i have been feeling pretty much unmotivated and lazy abt even getting my ass to school. i rather sleep in, do my tutorials late night and dream my days away. not exactly a gd way to cope with a void in my life, but sumhow, i have passed ten days. successfully. i think.
good stuff first.
i have learnt, i am now clear. thanks Fab for the call and the lil short meeting in between. got me moving. gg on. i am waiting. come back quickly.
many friends have come up to me saying how much i have motivated them to study but i aint doing the same.its so annoying. but hell i trying so hard. just get me off my bed. even my phone does not ring as often. but anyway the calls wun be picked up as well. so yupz.
well now to face reality, i have to make a proclamation. for all to read.
my past is fake. no longer authentic like how i thot it was. all the feelings and arrogance i held on to it; its no longer there. it has been shattered. totally. and all the remnants have been thrown away, no longer buried deep within me. i have been pretty selfish abt things the past six years of my life. if only i knew it all along, i wld been in a better position in my life. i always owed the way i have grown up and how i have been to this one person in my life and now i know its all not true.
i dun quite worry abt the loss of a supposed true fren cos of this dillemma. i dun quite worry abt the mess u put me into.all that hurt me and broke me was the betrayal u confessed to me.
of all the times,i chose to believe it this time round.
another ruined bday party by you,another harsh memory for me to hold.but i am holding it good. just one msg to u, if it wld ever get into ur head.
you have lost me COMPLETELY.
its time now to be fair and sincere. to the one who truly deserves it. and this i promise.
adioz.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
bored saturday
today i did ntg and ntg.
i am sooo bored i tell u. aint that very interesting
i feel like giving up on this journey that i embarked on a coupla mths ago. but it aint fair for any decisions to be taken as of yet.
i am rather puzzled.
sch work - thr is just soooo much to do. and i hate life that is this unstable. all that emotional rollercoasters and worst still, ppl who randomly enter ur life, say a few things and run off. basket. dun be so empty can?
i need to get a grab on my life. why such self-faced boredom and monotony?
it sucks. to be the ultimate loser of selfish circumstances. and the one i wish wld be here for me, isnt the least bothered.
for now, i have fantasies to keep me occupied. no realities to strike in.and my head literally feels so heavy that i cant even think. i just realised that.
i haven been out in months. abt 3-4. my friendships all kept thru the fone. and after sch i just run home.
this kills. the refusal to let my inner self free kills.
why do i keep holding back so much?
adioz.
i am sooo bored i tell u. aint that very interesting
i feel like giving up on this journey that i embarked on a coupla mths ago. but it aint fair for any decisions to be taken as of yet.
i am rather puzzled.
sch work - thr is just soooo much to do. and i hate life that is this unstable. all that emotional rollercoasters and worst still, ppl who randomly enter ur life, say a few things and run off. basket. dun be so empty can?
i need to get a grab on my life. why such self-faced boredom and monotony?
it sucks. to be the ultimate loser of selfish circumstances. and the one i wish wld be here for me, isnt the least bothered.
for now, i have fantasies to keep me occupied. no realities to strike in.and my head literally feels so heavy that i cant even think. i just realised that.
i haven been out in months. abt 3-4. my friendships all kept thru the fone. and after sch i just run home.
this kills. the refusal to let my inner self free kills.
why do i keep holding back so much?
adioz.
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