uni is here

the university forms are here.


as much as i wld hate it to say this, i have been admitted into FASS in NUS...
i hate it not cos of anything else, but cos i really really wanted to get into SMU. B.Sc Social Sciences. Direct Honours. its B.Sc mind it. Haiz.

some things are just not meant to be i suppose. i would try again next yr. i really wld. i think.




i am happy with things at my side actually.
It seems like everything is falling into place. but i am very wary of everything ard me at the same time.
i have faced disappointments many times in my life n it wld be mere stupidity to c it all in a positive light.

for now. its back to driving, sangeeth, hindi and st.stephens.
i dunno abt teaching again tho.

but i am excited. tt i am gg to study again. and put my mind back in control.with books and family. sathiya n amma and all.

Shree is happy.

and as i humbly accept the upcoming disappointments that might just topple me off...
i aint gonna waste every second by sulking away...


not with u at least *winks*


daddy i miss u. Take care of Akka while she is away @ Zurich... n ur kutty gal at NUS. both sound equally distant. But ur two daughters know what they are doing. really really.


Adioz.

fathers's day

and so.

i am moving on with life. i so finally see it.
as Sengoyz had put it. the light at the end of the tunnel.


after weeks of worry, i finally got the reply for my appeal from NUS. Yup i had appealed to change my course of study from Real Estate to Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences. and so this yr, Shree will be making her royal way to FASS... but for a yr only. i am planning to transfer my credits to SMU at the next intake.

SMU... i Wun take NO for an answer.

Sunday was Fathers' Day. i spent sat afternoon shopping for fathers' day presents and overly spent. for 4 ppl i considered worthy of the label dad. i think.

and sunday i made my way to amma's place. bought lunch from sakunthala's. and garland for appa. actually it was pretty dumb. i took the cab from tekka heading towards pasir ris when halfway i rmbred that i had forgotten to get him a garland. and so i asked the cabby to drive back. with a heavy heart.

i bet everyone was happily buying gifts for their dads. and wishing them happy father's day and teling them how much their father meant to them. and yeah with all this handicapped, i forgot to get him a garland. the only thing i cld eva get him.
oh but that din stop me from buying him 2 candle-with words written on them.

" for a special dad "

indeed. u are special, daddy.
i cun stop my tears from flowing when amma gave me the lit incense sticks to be offered to my appa.
its not like u are here for me to tell u hw much i love u.
i cant stand it father. i really cannot. i cun help looking at him after i had decorated it with the flowers i had bought him.

u looked so royally beautiful daddy.
and so my phone came in handy.
this is my daddy for u all to c.
see how handsome my appa looks. U need not be around appa. i still had my special father's day with u.




i miss u appa. and i know no matter hw many i tell u this i know tt u'd nvr know. cos i missed it all times u were here. i din tell u enuf... not at all even when u were ard. it has been 4 yrs. and it still kills me. just like the very first day... u killed me with ur death.

i just wan u to know smth. that life can nvr be the same. and no matter hw much i try to move on without u, i dun want to.
i wanna feel the pain. i wanna feel the loss. i wanna miss u badly. i wanna literally die to see u again. Just come back once n tell me u love me. one day. one day. one day.


and my dear friends... treasure ur dad's while they are around. sumtimes daddies spend too much time working... trying to save enuf for their kids. n we usually fail to show our appreciation.
DUN.
to aarthi, vishnu and cheryl.
we all know tt we can nvr turn back the clocks to see our dads. but lemme assure u all that they are watching over us closely.
my daddy told me tt. right appa?


i wld appreciate if i receive no comments on my tag board pertaining to this blog entry.
thank you mates.

adioz.

death. life.

PMS again.
bloody bad mood.


today i went to a funeral. This lady who passed away is a Gold medalist from Annamalai Uni. age 28. Son is 5 yrs old. Died out of blood cancer. she was bald. stomach was bloated. dark skinned. her tears were dried on her face when she had taken her last breathe.


i juz cld not stop crying after seeing the lil' boy. it hurt me very much. i cun undstd y God had to take away maternal love from the child...which quite evidently no one else can provide. the boy asked y the coffin was coming into the hse. the poor child cld not comprehend the meaning of death. did not understand that his mum had left him. forever. that in yrs down the road, even as much as he tried, he wun be able to rmbr her face. and his days that were spent with his mum. She was nvr gg to return. to hug him, feed him... tuck him into bed... hold him close n say 'i love u'.


So ultimately my question is : What was the purpose of her overly limited days on this earth? if every man is ultimately faced with inevitable death, then why den the life in the first place?


Y is it that the birth of life calls for celebration, when actually it is the start of all the shit damn crapped problems? Y is that the end of life calls for mourning, when it places a full stop to all pain and suffering?



Y are we all called blessed souls to be brought onto this earth...when one is challenged thruout his life n is questioned of his faith and strength? is that a blessing?

i just dun understand y it takes death to understand life.

This wld be super comical if i sleep tonight n dun wake up tmr.

Darn. i jus wish tt wld happen.

Adioz.

hypocrites and politics

so hell.
Shree is PMSing.
so just shut the gap and screw off.

i have learnt. and yes the better way. no hard feelings anymore.
more than anyone, the worst way to get busted is by a friend.
i will explain y the better way as well.

so u c. i forgot. yes hit me. hit me hard.
i forgot that hypocrisy and politics are always lingering around my feet. Even with FRIENDS, or so they claim they are.

simple. the world does this and that. dun u eva follow their footsteps jayshree. u bitch abt everything under the sun. and then u say, "oh no. i am different. and i dun care abt the world." huh? u ok or not?

y? i mean simply y? if u cld just shut up and remain silent...who wld wanna listen to ur baby cries? who wld wanna form an opinion abt u? y wld u need to form an opinion in the first place? aren't u being fake? and claim not to be as well?? arent u being political abt the info u dessiminate to ur frens abt another? arent u being a fucking hypocrite?
y the fuck did u claim to be MY friend for then?

i am blessed enough to have such gr8 friends around me. i feel that d few but gr8 ones are enough. i am sooo grateful... maybe i just nvr showed i am.
and now i am blessed again.
God has opened my eyes.
yup the better way. cos i am willing to let go. Unlike the times when i used to cry over useless friends.and wondered y the ppl i loved so much nvr stayed.
i have changed. i dun need any new ones who wld try to make a difference.
yes it hurts. but i have experienced bigger sorrows in life. Whats u?


if anyone by chance tries to be a dimwit n call me after this and ask me if it was u tt i blogged abt,out of guilt, save ur call. i probably wun even answer it.

and it fucking does not help that SMU rejected me and i am faced with a dire situation of not being able to study locally.

CB.


adioz.

its over

so the cOnfUsEd KiD theory is over.
sadly.happily.finally.
groanz

well life moves on.
Hell if i could leave heavenly holy water to eventually run down the drain, whats the loss of the bloody mucus that i spit out of my badly inflammed throat? yeah that visual impact was necessary to show the gross-city of the information.

cOnfUsEd?
haha.
wateva.
damn. i MISS u.

well well. i am bored.
As Braba wld say it, I is Bored. haha
crap.

i miss working. i hate this feeling of having time in my hands. it sucks.
and oh btw.
y the hell did i not read aarthi's blog earlier? it makes a whole lot of sense. now it does.



i m angry. oops. hungry. or what is it?




i so love this feeling of being free again.

i so love you. i tell u.

yes u. yeah u.

my sangeeth. yeah tts u.


adioz.

cOnFuSeD kiD haha

well well
nostalgia hits me
life has changed tremendously.
and it has maybe... probably turned for the worst.
but here is Shree taking a chance. a risk.
i haven really shown much maturity in my actions.
causing ppk to judge. but really, i dun care.
not becos i dun care abt them, but becos i prefer acting on my own.
simply put,i think,
still waters run deep.


this cOnFuSeD kId theory confuses me.
it really does.
but i aint sure if i am willing to take the risk.
hmmm. only time will tell.
but hell. its life over honour.
or is that equation faulty as well?



well.
ultimately its shree back to herself and her cocoon again.
no it aint loneliness.
its just solitude tt is thoroughly enjoyed.
and it feels good.
looking back i had a good 18th yr.
all the songs that i listened to area gd example.
i loved all of them.not superficially for their music only or wat.
but thoroughly.inside out.
now when i listen to them.
i know the difference.
the lack of love and passion.
the lack of intimacy with my music
the answer is pretty simple.
absence of love.

well.
shree has opened her heart.
to purely kids and family.
damn i just wish i had kids on my own.
my own ones to love. to care and nurture them.
more than anything.
to call them my own.
the rest explains.


adioz.