well.
its me again.
i seriously dun feel like blogging.
but this is pretty much my close buddy for this moment.
its just as simple.
i dun feel like sharing stuff with real ppl anymore.
i like how the virtual space somehow substitutes human relationships.
hell. leave that.
so i am back from mum's place.
damn i am so sad. i really wish i cld be there 24/7.
and i love how this feeling has nvr left me for a gd 11 years.hmmm
my nephews and nieces are doin gr8. i am so happy seeing them doing gd in sch as well. ultimately, seeing my sunshines rising up the success ladder is one of the things i am truly living for.
i feel i have grown up. matured. and turned evil.
i somehow dun seem to care abt hearts anymore.
not even my own for that matter.
i seem to care abt my amma's place, my house and a selected few frens.
surprisingly, i dun seem to be emotionally driven.
i do get into emotional spasms ( like how i had one with valvin ystdy at the bus stop) but really at the end of it, i seem to shake myself outta it.
and that is pretty tough; pretty much an achievement.
sumone so emo and soft on the inside and hard on the exterior... this is just so not me.
but boy am i glad i am liking this.
like hari always says (used to, rather) " you are not mother theresa la jakama. dun put the world's burden on ur shoulders"
trust me dude. i have so gone past the stage.
there are many obvious reasons. firstly i am out of the i-dunno-the-world phase. i now truly get to see ppl and the dirty dirty bastardly world.
secondly i fight for my own survival.
with not a single cent from home with the label allowance or whatsoever, i struggle with tuition kids who barely gimme a steady monthly allowance.with that comes my own personal expenses, salsa, karnatic, birthday gifts, mothers' day and worst of it all, handphone bill.
and am i proud to say that i live with my head up high this way.
thirdly the best of it all, the ones whom i seriously thought i will swear my life and love upon have clearly made me feel otherwise. not only have i been frankly running away, i am glad for this dejected and totally f*cked up feeling.
coming to a close, i feel that i still do have love for everyone else. especially for ppl i cant really reach out to. like my friends overseas ( thats shalani, vishal, akshaya and soon to be saras akka) and wait wait wait. did i forget to mention appa??
and in this little heart of mine...
(pardon me its just that i cant seem to show it very much cos of the stoned me)
as much as i would love to get back into the old jayshree persona...
i rather stay away.
and be in love with love itself.
and no one else.
adioz.