Relationships
such a big word it is.of all sorts.totally controlling my life.admitted out of shame.
let me tell u smth. i am extremely happy with my life.totally contended.and that is scary.i do not know when, what will screw up.sucks man.being happy sucks.ironically.fear of pain n sadness.but hell. i am happy dude.
wat makes me feel good?other than you, its really my lifestyle now.
i am busy.seriously tts wat i am.n i love it.running here n there.losing sleep.in btw grabbing myself some space to catch my breathe.and later smiling away.
life in school.den usually out.later tuition.after which i head home to mark,eat,use the phone and sleep.maybe a sneak or two at the tv screen.
tadah!morn comes again.bringing smiles. =)
and tts where holding onto relationships comes along.as a daughter,a sister (yes to u val as well), a teacher, a friend, a buddy... and the list adds on. so many n so much...u need to tell everyone how u still love them...n yes i haven forgotten u as well.
but isn't wierd how i feel the need to keep reminding ppl ard me that i am still around... cos i feel guilty for not showing enuf attention? wat if it is the other way? do u think i will even ask, or utter a word for that matter?
Conclusion is, Love at ur own risk.
be it ur mum or ur dad or ur neighbour or ur wife or even the sweet ones who hold ur hands tightly as u cross the road.i feel the need to tell u ' hey u r still on my mind'.else i know u will forget.yeah that is the harsh reality of life.
going further, i like how i got busted by certain relationships this week.
one by a friend i shall not mention whom. but hey dude. u really did upset me. u screwed up the whole friendship. cos i held u closer, n u saw me as a stranger, u taught me a lesson. i cant get any better. it wun.u know that i aint happy. so leave me. dun worry i wun do the same back. i aint as bad as u.
the other was the bigger blow.by relatives i shall say.safer.
sorry i only do things out of concern for YOU ppl.u made me realise i am an outsider after all. i hated the slap in the face.nvm the making use of me.i guess i expected appreciation.or maybe just a thanks?
and you my dear amma.jus cos i din call, u 'angee' with me??but my dear, were u not busy as well? but i guess on ur side it doesn't matter.fine its my fault.i surrender to u. i dun like playing with thaaikulamz.
haha. n u in the name of my dad. Since when did u realise that i am alive? Oh when u got ur new car? oh hey, was it when i asked u off shamelessly in ur face? its time dude u chase me outta the hse.trust me. i am happy to leave.anything at all to get my sight off ur disgusting self.
another pal.gal,i know.other frens busted you.now then u see me too?i like that.how u learn abt a fren who truly cared for you only after the rest had dumped u.u feel the pinch eh?guess wat babe. ya dealing with a loser.i still see u close. come.play with the word friendship again.deal?
nvrtheless i am happy.cos i know there are sum who truly care.those 5-10 ppl who frequently check out on me and go...
" hey amoi/jakama/potti/monkey/donkey/makkal/mike/babe/akka/angel/etc,
how are you today?"
i feel it. now u knw why i am happy.really.cos of u people.
and finally the relationship lost yet strong.
if u had just read my blog, do this for me .
- look up.
- smile
- say "happy birthday appa"
24.02.46 - 10.11.03
i jus did. Happy birthday Appa. You may not be around. but hey, u are 61 this year!!! appa sooo young still ah.. haha. muax i love u appa.more than anyone else.
u better quickly come back here. else if i miss u too much, u might end up seeing me up there with u.QUICKLY!
right beside one another, we'll smile down on this earth.
and yes.with the tears too.