i feel ashamed of myself, after what happened ystdy. but it was a true true reflection of my past. i behaved like a kid, bringing out the real inner me.
actually i am more embarrassed than ashamed. cos that was me. but what do i do, i wonder? and why do i do that, i do not know?
oh well, here i am back to square 1, and this is not for the first time.
and in some ways, i keep smiling like some evil creature. but i really think its cos i feel that the worse fear is over or that the crouching tiger in me sprang up.
i am an angry person, i realised. this what happens when u bottle up, despite many claims and reminders not to do so.
i couldnt help it, really.
fear, frustration and desperation to achieve what i needed to do. it was the only way to reach out to you.
the slumber yesterday night was uncomfortable yet fulfilling. i am alive and awake today.
but maybe the inner one that sprang out ystdy died. and i wish u dont resurrect. cos i cant handle you. no one can.
i dont wish to see u again, bu i cant imagine i made a pact to do so.
i am scared and perhaps i am even quite brave. i dont know how i will face you, but i shall try.
and i realised that u really really pamper me.
adioz.