the tears came this nite. kept away from it for almost three wks but it returned. and tt too when i was trying to slp.
my biological clock has been upset. i now slp in the day and stay up all nite, usually in sch, to study. the number of productive hrs is another issue altogether.
am counting down. 10 more days b4 i make my way to india. cant wait.
i seriously wanna slp now. but i fucking cant. i am so angry with myself.
eva since i got wet in the rain, i know i am gonna fall sick. but i am controlling it so much. n today as i lay in bed, the usual baby-me came out as i felt so feverish. the shree to be damn maanja and attn seeking. sighz. i wonder if i will grow out of it.
i think we smtimes just cannot move away from ppl who are sooo annoying. sum just test u to see if we care for them. sum use means and ways to seek ur attn, and altho failing terribly, they still do it, thru underhand means. sum r even better. they expect u to beg. n to show tt u care. and show tt u r there. but refuse to reciprocate. stubborn. another category is when u urself dun bother, have no time for them and when u get all guilty and apologise, they act oblivious like as tho they din curse u behind ur back. in these four classifications - u r in one of it. dun bother doubting that.
the skepticality of simple life, of mere existence and of sheer pleasure has become such a common feature of uncommon reality-checks. and when doubts get planted, confidence just shatters and fear of failure settles in.
just a little note to u.
no matter hw skeptical u have been; and unwilling as well, let me assure u smth. there have been a million doubts planted here as well. there is a huge fear of failure in me too. but putting that at the back of my head, i am moving forth. with hope and more hope. cos i believe and believe. and will live to see my dreams come true. and will not let u down in the due process, but strive to prove what i have promised u. i dun give up easily. strong-headed. u know it as much.
well so, my lids are slightly heavy now. drowsy. eyes are closing. lids wanting to hug each other. i shan interfere. wanna hit the couch. only way to wake up to study later. i have u to accompany me thru my dreams. and my lil baby pillow to give me that security. sounds perfect.
one last note.
to that F annoying swine who has tried to screw my tagboard to be as ugly as ur fuggly ass, dun bother anymore.
ur IP has been tracked.
adioz.