my last post on april 19... reading it sent a smile to my face.
so many things have changed.
no longer in Oli right now. took a 10 week break and im now back to where i was working previously.
PRBO!!!
looks like i gotta maually jot down details of my life. i keep forgetting. keep forgetting who i am.
so i blogged abt bhaktan teacher in my last post. oh well, u are leaving next week. yes teacher, u were truly such an inspiration to my life and look at where things are now; so misplaced. i'm gonna miss u so much and its gonna hit me hard today... my first lesson without u today at 7pm. fuck.
ok, so next thing in mind. my dad had his first heart attack on monday morning. i was slping and he woke me up at 7am, i called for the ambulance and they never came. so he has two blockages. some people take this chance to act like perfect sissies and behave like women when they claim to have two balls in between their legs. ccb.
i scalded my hand on 18 aug. while making kesari. what an experience! what a pain! really, i rmb telling someone that i will nvr curse someone to burn in hell ever. but, oh wait. looks like you are going to. so the pain is pretty bad and of cos the scars are worse. they are here to stay, as a beautiful reminder too. and haresh, yes, the pretty hand i always showed u with pride beaming in my face is no longer going to be there anymore. bleagh. ok, no more emo.
after ramar's 14 yr vanavasam, he returns back home and so does shree. but mine is 14.5 years! hahaha. awesome. the prayer that finally came true. i guess praying is 25%, God's intervention is another 25% and of course our own actions are 50%. the last bit is just IMPT la. really.
and you. things have changed so much. while i silently and very secretively wish that this and that never happened, i am also glad it did. i know now what i need and what i want, i think. i am still the same old emotional gal who needs a security here and there and of cos, all that comfort. that comfort of knowing that i am not judged cos i really do not like to judge people or put an identity to someone's face cos of their actions. but wait, maybe i should just do that since that would keep me wary of aliens and monsters like you. and you. but you are one lucky ass. என் கண்ணீருக்கு காரணம் நீதான் என தெரிந்தும், உன்னை என் காதலுக்கு காரணமாக்கினேனே!
and you. why? you, the image of my past and present... i really wonder where you will be in future. u are such a question mark right now and that makes me the confused kid again. i feel sad sometimes, cos something so scarily tells me that this is shortlived... and im fucking shit scared sometimes that u are here to stay. and that would be... unimaginable yet so so so fucking possible. and no, thats not a smile on my face. its closer to a frown, really. cos i know you shree.
shree, fuck it. really. fuck the world. fuck the damn people around u. look at urself. dun look into the mirror and see the people in ur heart. i rmbr very clearly what amma said ystdy. 'பாத்திரத்தை அளந்து சோறு போடு'.
how damn true. there is no point at all really. dun care. u are not going to get good words from ppl who think and act like satans. so leave and move away. விட்டு விலகி நிற்கவேண்டும்...
a significant song: உன்னோடு இருக்கும் பொன்னான நிமிடம்... எந்நாளும் தொடர்ந்திட நெஞ்சம் ஏங்கும்! :)
so much more in my heart... but the spillage ends here.
adioz.