Hello. I’m actually back. And that's what I usually do. I turn back. To you, to the past and the songs that matter to me. You. that whole comfort zone.
Look at me. I’m five months away from being married; to a man I never thought will cross my path. And half the path has been walked over, turned back, smiled back at most of the time, and some frowns too, of course.
Wow, life has changed tremendously. Even ‘oru poiyaavathu sol kanne’ song didn’t sound so sad and upsetting. I heard Hariharan’s voice for the first time. Paid attention to the beauty of it. What a lesson. I bet I would have heard that song a million times previously, known every bit of those lyrics and how another word would have suited the feeling better. And today, I hear his voice and I was more than impressed.
So today I’m feeling rather weird. And I’m tired. Not just about expressing myself but cos sometimes I don’t wish to do so. And those who know me actually know that is so dangerous. I have learnt to let go and I wish I could be more like that. It’s so much easier to let go of emotions that I do not want to have or wish I didn’t have. It would make life happier. Yes, happy.
I have totally gotten over the most sensitive part of my life, which you dealt as 'unnecessary' and the other you who said 'you don't have to' and yes, the other other you also said 'if i were you, I won't'. So, done. Brainwashed and happy.
I’m on the right path and that confuses me. Cos maybe I have never been on this path. With all stability and happiness. And all that assurance that, ‘hey! You are actually OK!’ haha. Funny as it sounds. New songs make me happy. So do new feelings and new thoughts. I am more receptive to what life has to offer and the lemons I deal with.
I owe it to God. Now I’m handling fears of the future, which can be overwhelming sometimes but I survived the future in the past :)
I feel like singing, all over again. I swear I want that confidence back again. So badly. What do I do?
I need to let go of my fears. Shucks. I miss it so much. And now, I fear doing it.
I miss dancing but I’m getting over it. I think.
See, I’m just going back. And back again. To you. And the comfort once. But this time, maybe I should take it seriously and just go back to making myself feel better and enjoy doing what I once did.
I don’t understand these punishments I have given myself these few years. I know I have been hard but I don’t know how else to let go and to convince myself that it is okay.
Jayshree. You are okay. And it’s okay to go back sometimes.
Look at me. I’m five months away from being married; to a man I never thought will cross my path. And half the path has been walked over, turned back, smiled back at most of the time, and some frowns too, of course.
Wow, life has changed tremendously. Even ‘oru poiyaavathu sol kanne’ song didn’t sound so sad and upsetting. I heard Hariharan’s voice for the first time. Paid attention to the beauty of it. What a lesson. I bet I would have heard that song a million times previously, known every bit of those lyrics and how another word would have suited the feeling better. And today, I hear his voice and I was more than impressed.
So today I’m feeling rather weird. And I’m tired. Not just about expressing myself but cos sometimes I don’t wish to do so. And those who know me actually know that is so dangerous. I have learnt to let go and I wish I could be more like that. It’s so much easier to let go of emotions that I do not want to have or wish I didn’t have. It would make life happier. Yes, happy.
I have totally gotten over the most sensitive part of my life, which you dealt as 'unnecessary' and the other you who said 'you don't have to' and yes, the other other you also said 'if i were you, I won't'. So, done. Brainwashed and happy.
I’m on the right path and that confuses me. Cos maybe I have never been on this path. With all stability and happiness. And all that assurance that, ‘hey! You are actually OK!’ haha. Funny as it sounds. New songs make me happy. So do new feelings and new thoughts. I am more receptive to what life has to offer and the lemons I deal with.
I owe it to God. Now I’m handling fears of the future, which can be overwhelming sometimes but I survived the future in the past :)
I feel like singing, all over again. I swear I want that confidence back again. So badly. What do I do?
I need to let go of my fears. Shucks. I miss it so much. And now, I fear doing it.
I miss dancing but I’m getting over it. I think.
See, I’m just going back. And back again. To you. And the comfort once. But this time, maybe I should take it seriously and just go back to making myself feel better and enjoy doing what I once did.
I don’t understand these punishments I have given myself these few years. I know I have been hard but I don’t know how else to let go and to convince myself that it is okay.
Jayshree. You are okay. And it’s okay to go back sometimes.